I’ve never personally discovered a nautilus shell. They do not exist in my little piece of Gulf of Mexico paradise. But, the great barrier reef dive is on my bucket list. One day, I hope to see one up close and all the beauty, complexity, and wonder that this shell holds. For those unfamiliar with this particular shell, here’s the cliff notes version. It’s a shell that is found in the coral reefs of the Indo-Pacific oceans. When born, they have seven or eight small chambers. As they grow, a new chamber is created, but instead of shedding previous chambers, they connect to the older ones. Therefore, and adult nautilus will usually possess approximately thirty different chambers at their time of death. Oh, and my favorite part, a nautilus has three hearts.
If you’re a lover of science and math, you’ll find the nautilus fascinating because some believe it is a symbol of the Golden Ratio, meaning it possesses the same proportions throughout the animal’s life. Some believe, this allows it to lie in the same company as the Mona Lisa, the Parthenon, the Gutenburg Bible, and some parts of the human body. I’m gonna stop right here because I’m already in territory I know nothing about. I’m not that smart. I bought my college algebra professor a 24 case of his favorite beer just so I could get out of his class with a D. I simply sell chocolate for a living, constantly watch reruns of Law and Order and have recently fallen victim to the dumbest documentary ever made, The Tiger King, which if I’m being honest, I know I’m losing brain cells every time I press ‘next episode’, but I just can’t help myself. All that to say this, I have no clue whether any of the scientific claims are correct, incorrect, or really even what it means as a whole. I simply know this, I’ve always loved the nautilus shell because I love the way it continues to develop new chambers of it’s life while building on previous chambers of the past, thus connecting it’s life as a whole.
Yesterday, I was driving and suddenly thought of the nautilus shell. I thought of the spiral chambers that are uniform and ever evolving. I thought about how I’ve always symbolized the nautilus shell with one’s life because from the time we are born and begin to crawl, we are constantly changing, evolving, and discovering. We must move forward. Once we’ve moved forward, expanded our minds, changed our perspectives, and experienced the new, we can never go back to previous chamber. They simply no longer fit us. This forces us to always grow, expand, and learn. We cannot, no matter how hard we try, stay in one place and dodge the ever changing reality around.
Since 1980, my chambers have included childhood, surviving my brother’s beatings, being forced to listen to opera from my mother every morning on the way to school, college, September 11th, my twenties, my career, my marriage, becoming a mother, becoming a caregiver, and all the day to day blessings, trials, celebrations, and heartaches in between. Now, my life during the current COVID-19 crisis will serve as one of those chambers in this complex shell that composes my life.
Many of us, hopefully all of us, will never be same. While I long for days of “normalcy” when it comes to my family, my job, my Pilates class, my Wednesday night Boulevard nights with girlfriends, and simply taking my dog to the groomer, I do hope some things during this time period remain. I hope I’m always able to remember the joy I get on mornings when I wake up next to my baby boy. We get to lie there, smile, and converse. He pats my face life a puppy. We are not rushing because we’ve overslept, scrambling to find a backpack, forgetting to feed the dog, and rushing out the house with 17 minutes before the bell rings at school and 40 minutes before my first meeting. I hope I remember how enjoyable the simple things in life are right now. Things that don’t take money, effort, or stress. I’ve watched more sunsets in the past two weeks than I have my entire life. I got back on a bike. Not counting spin classes, I haven’t ridden a bike since high school. I color. I read. Yesterday, I dug for “crystals” with John Michael so he could find treasure. I’ve had more conversations , and one good blow out (I some can feel me), with my mother. I’ve had more non rushed, meaningful conversations with friends and family. I’ve slowed down with more meaningful prayer and time with God.
Now, don’t let this think we’re not struggling with our own first world problems. My roots in this blonde hair are starting to look like Joe Exotic’s. I want a manicure and pedicure so badly I can’t stand it. I am in a ridiculous state of sadness because I did not get to shop for a beautiful, new Easter outfit for myself and John Michael. Easter Sunday is my all time favorite day of the year that I don’t get to experience seven days from now as I normally would have. Lucky for me, though, Easter has nothing to do with my outfit. We will not get to go to our annual ‘GOODEST GOOD FRIDAY’ crawfish boil where we have the best time, laugh, eat, and have an Easter egg hunt for the kids. John Michael will not have a birthday party in two weeks for his special day. Again, first world problems. But, they’re special to me. You have things special to you. They are important. Don’t let anyone tell you they’re not.
But, most importantly, I hope I can remember this time where I called the elderly lady I know well to make sure they’ve been able to get to the grocery. Why don’t I do that on a regular basis? I hope I can remember how I took not only first responders for granted, but the men and women at my grocery store who are still showing up to work so I can buy milk and bread- two things I never buy anyway. I don’t drink milk and I try not to eat white carbs. BUT, all of a sudden we’re told to “hunker down” and we have to buy every loaf of bread we can get our hands on. I hope I remember next month when I’m complaining because my James Taylor concert has been cancelled that I truly have nothing to complain about because my neighbor buried her mother, who tested positive for the virus, this week with no service or friends able to attend. I hope I fill this current, COVID-19 chamber of my life with priorities that actually matter, more gratitude, more genuine laughs, more caring for, not only my neighbors, but for my community, world, and earth. I hope these small moments carry through to the next chamber and help build a better, more solid, more meaningful foundation. Hopefully, they will not drown from the Pinot Noir that also helps to fill the chamber. Be safe. Be strong. Be well. Laugh. Live. Love. And DO NOT under any circumstances use your relief refund money to buy a tiger and open a zoo. There is no life chamber large enough to hold that kind of move.
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